Here I am, on the long haul. Laying in the bed I made. Hoping I’ll recover one day. Living on a diet of memories. It’s hard not to feel like my life is a reoccurring nightmare. Learn some lessons Mark! At least I’m working. I’m sitting on a step, somewhere in St.James at 6am.
I’m finding it hard to recover from the verbal beating my dad gave me the other day. Me, my brother and sister are all aware of how we are all failures in his eyes but I don’t understand why he had to tell me how worthless I am in front of my son? It must give him some sort of pleasure,…who know?
To give you an indication of how high the bar is set, my sister has a masters in French history and a degree in contractual law which she achieved at Oxford. He considers her a failure, so I am truly fucked.
I had to get paid for the double yesterday and for today. I just can’t face anymore bouncing direct debits. It also means I can probably have angry fries for lunch too, as I am back on Southbank helping with the commissioning. This is what it now looks like.
It came out alright. It would have been nice if they hadn’t trapped all our cables in the wall though!?! Anyway, commissioning(in my world) means sitting around all day. Luckily, I’m quite good at that.
Two hours later and still no sign of the lift commissioning guy. I sorted one of their CCTV problems but it is at least another hour until I can have angry fries. I’m definitely getting bored now whilst sitting at table 808.
Many more hours later and I’m still waiting. This has left me with too much thinking time. That’s never a good thing. It appears I’ve lost all talent that I previously might have had. I can’t draw right. Can’t seem to play the guitar. I’m hoping it’s a phase.
I haven’t had any angry fries. They moved the usual vendors off Southbank to set up for the Christmas market. Motherfuckers! I have left BFI now. The lift guy never arrived. I then sat on a train for an hour before it left. Signal problems? Who fucking know?
The is something rotten with the infrastructure of this country. A decayed cesspit that has been raped of all of its assets.
I’m on a much later start today. 08.33 train to Vauxhall. A tiny fault finding job. I’ve started feeling less sick. More appetite. I can’t remember when I was this straight. Maybe a few months back.
Whether I’ll return to Southbank tomorrow is unknown. I’m sure I’ll find out later. On Monday we finally start the job in Slough. I think it is for Wernham Hogg!!(that would probably be quite cool!). It’s a good few weeks of solid work. Yay!
It’s 11.02 and I’m on the train home. I’ve probably got a parking ticket but I’ll just have to lump it. Leaving as late as I did means there is no parking left at the station. If I could just secure work for tomorrow………..
I must maintain positive!
Quickly play a life saver
Yep. I missed out yesterday. Quite literally, I didn’t get out if bed until dinner time(obligatory). I ate some gnocchi and went back to bed. So, now it’s Saturday. Laying here listening to a new playlist(listed at the bottom of you care).
I’m planning to get outside. I’ll smoke a cigarette and think about it first.
I spent yesterday knocking around with Carter. We had a drink, caught up with Z-Nation and slept. It really fucks up my energy settings when I don’t work consistently. Then I came home this morning. I caught up with my brother for an hour, trying to talk about anything, other than his daughter. Then I ran around the west for the rest of the day.
And shooting people in the testicles.
For no other reason than boredom and too much gin!
Late last night, my boss remembered he had a days work for me and Big Gay Jay so I jumped on the 06.38 and went to Bond Street. I got on the 09.50 out of Waterloo home again. It was that easy.
No work. No motivation.
My boss wants me to knock up his website for him. It’ll be a few days pay, at least. I started by sorting out my laptop. That took all day so I ended up not starting it and watching videos on Facebook all day instead. Tomorrow, I’m working in St. James. Finishing the little thing we started last week.
I fell asleep listening to Spacemen 3
It’s kinda warm for mid November. As I said yesterday, I’m in St.James.
A few hours later, again, it was all over. I went home and started this bloody website.
I slept until 11. I say slept. It was more like laying in bed until I could think of a reason to get up. I couldn’t think of a reason but I got up anyway.
Did a bit more website. Messed around with some music. Stared at the wall. Smoked cigarettes.
It was all, general, feel sorry for myself stuff.
What an absolute boring shithole my life has become. I hope I can think of a reason to get up tomorrow because blind faith doesn’t really work for me.