The Madness

Well, here it is. The beginning of the most pointless waste of 2 weeks. I know, bah humbug. When I was a kid, I loved it. My kids love it. Now my memories of Christmas are just full of hate …

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Tweaks And Repairs

It’s almost here. A couple more weeks of excuses until they all run out. Then it’s time. I’ve had my year of recovery and I believe I needed it and deserved it.  How many times this year have I doubted …

Living( The way I Always Wanted)

Let me share.  The life I’ve led, for many years, made me insular. Envying, even loved ones, joy. To the point of wanting to ruin someone else’s fun/experience/good time, just because I wasn’t part of it.  I’ve learnt of late, …

Slight Return

Feeling a slight upwould trend in my mood. No jumping for joy but a mild sense of commitment and clarity. The tedium of working life becomes a dull hum in the background and allows me to think of future plans …

Yearning for Tediousity

Less than 2 weeks now until the enforced Jolly holiday. I can’t wait for the sleep and a few people’s company, apart from that. Not much else. Sleeping seems so draining at the moment, it seems pointless. I wake up …

Leading To Sadmas

Yep! It’s a brilliant time of year.with all the jolliness and waiting for the glowing feeling……. Fuck you. You’re an idiot. It’s designed by idiots, for idiots, full stop.  A twisted, enforced gesture, divised by the clinically insane to make …

Broken Boy Soldier

No sympathy. Just my own solice. Making me feel less disjointed from humanity.  On holiday from the army. He wore combats the first 2 days. Drank vodka for, what seemed, 24 hours straight. Then sat in that chair, 10.30, the …

Midnight Soup

The misconceptions of life. Not all Russians can drink. Bailey’s and Malibu don’t mix. Midnight soup is not served at midnight. The weather is good and the cocktails are strong enough. Strong enough to curb my constant feeling of imminent …

A Thousand Boxes Yet To Tick

I can see the sun reflecting off the wing. Shining through my teared up eyes as I analyse, yet another set, of self inflicted, mistakes.  It’s OK though. I’m learning, slowly. Learning to beat my self punishment and Self sabotage …

Fucked Clock

Every day that goes past, everything disappears like it never happened. But like a fucked clock telling the right time twice a day, my life still shows me these things at regular intervals.